Intro to Typing About It
I'm not completely anti-social. I love talking to people! But I just don't like talking about myself. Especially as of lately, there's a lot of things I hate talking about - I'm scared and I feel stupid. So this blog is meant for me to get it out somewhere, to type it all out. This is "I wanna type about it".
As much as I love the feeling of writing with a great pen or doodling all over napkins and notebooks (it's seriously a great love of mine), I guess I will have to learn to love typing on a keyboard or on my iPhone...
I'm not really sure where to start writing about. I want to write about how hard life is. I want to write about failures and successes and how wonderful life is and what I'm grateful for. (I have a few personal blogs I write in as well as journals...so my life is documented all over the place.) But here, I feel strongly to write specifically about, but not limited to, my health. It's become my biggest trial yet my biggest blessing. (Trust me, I'm still searching for the blessings haha) It's consumed me. So let me quickly tell a story...
Lets go back exactly one year ago. I was visiting my brother and sister-in-law in Las Vegas. She just had a baby girl "3 days ago". So today I was probably holding Brielle's hands and feet - they were my favorite.... Great time! Anyway, on this trip I kept thinking "something is wrong with me". I was VERY noticeably thirsty all. the. time. Consequently I had to pee all. the. time. I didn't know what that meant. And of course I didn't express my concerns with anyone. Then I got home - back to Hawaii. I diagnosed myself with a bladder infection and went to the doctor to get antibiotics. June 18, 2012, I was sitting in the doc's room with a big smile on my face...which quickly turned to a blank, confused, lost, scared face when the doctor told me I have diabetes. All I could sputter out was "How? Why me?" The typical questions under such trying pressure. I was 25 years old, diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.
I can't type how emotional this was for me. I couldn't stop crying. For weeks. Not only did I realize I could never really feel the joy eating lots of food...desserts....chocolate......and cheesecake!?!? But I also felt scarred, sick, different, and ugly. "Who wants to deal with me, when I can't even deal with me?" So that made me even more afraid to talk about myself. I don't want people to look at me differently or think I'm incapable in ANY WAY. I don't want other people to feel bad for me and I definitely don't want to feel bad about myself. I need to be happy about myself. So that was the start of a constant, lifelong struggle.
Almost a year after my diagnosis and I'm still having an impossible time understanding everything, but I'm definitely trying. I'm trying to live a "normal", healthy, exciting life - despite my fears. This new focus on health has been exhausting yet I've realized it's (obviously) crucial to be conscientious about the things I eat and the things I do to keep my body and my health in good shape. So....this blog I will type about it. I will type about my failures and my successes. I will type about how hard life is and how wonderful life is. And you know I will be sharing stories about being a 25 year old, single (and beautiful) T1 Diabetic. ;)
As much as I love the feeling of writing with a great pen or doodling all over napkins and notebooks (it's seriously a great love of mine), I guess I will have to learn to love typing on a keyboard or on my iPhone...
I'm not really sure where to start writing about. I want to write about how hard life is. I want to write about failures and successes and how wonderful life is and what I'm grateful for. (I have a few personal blogs I write in as well as journals...so my life is documented all over the place.) But here, I feel strongly to write specifically about, but not limited to, my health. It's become my biggest trial yet my biggest blessing. (Trust me, I'm still searching for the blessings haha) It's consumed me. So let me quickly tell a story...
Lets go back exactly one year ago. I was visiting my brother and sister-in-law in Las Vegas. She just had a baby girl "3 days ago". So today I was probably holding Brielle's hands and feet - they were my favorite.... Great time! Anyway, on this trip I kept thinking "something is wrong with me". I was VERY noticeably thirsty all. the. time. Consequently I had to pee all. the. time. I didn't know what that meant. And of course I didn't express my concerns with anyone. Then I got home - back to Hawaii. I diagnosed myself with a bladder infection and went to the doctor to get antibiotics. June 18, 2012, I was sitting in the doc's room with a big smile on my face...which quickly turned to a blank, confused, lost, scared face when the doctor told me I have diabetes. All I could sputter out was "How? Why me?" The typical questions under such trying pressure. I was 25 years old, diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.
I can't type how emotional this was for me. I couldn't stop crying. For weeks. Not only did I realize I could never really feel the joy eating lots of food...desserts....chocolate......and cheesecake!?!? But I also felt scarred, sick, different, and ugly. "Who wants to deal with me, when I can't even deal with me?" So that made me even more afraid to talk about myself. I don't want people to look at me differently or think I'm incapable in ANY WAY. I don't want other people to feel bad for me and I definitely don't want to feel bad about myself. I need to be happy about myself. So that was the start of a constant, lifelong struggle.
Almost a year after my diagnosis and I'm still having an impossible time understanding everything, but I'm definitely trying. I'm trying to live a "normal", healthy, exciting life - despite my fears. This new focus on health has been exhausting yet I've realized it's (obviously) crucial to be conscientious about the things I eat and the things I do to keep my body and my health in good shape. So....this blog I will type about it. I will type about my failures and my successes. I will type about how hard life is and how wonderful life is. And you know I will be sharing stories about being a 25 year old, single (and beautiful) T1 Diabetic. ;)
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