I cried in the kitchen...
I'm sorry but this is so dramatic I'm embarrassed. But it's the most vivid memories and it's how I would describe being diabetic.
I cried a lot. But especially in the kitchen! I remember the first week and I remember it was hell. I remember standing in the kitchen...STARVING...but not knowing what was "safe" to eat. Back then we didn't have anything "diabetic friendly" in the house. There was a lot of junk food but also the regular milk and cereal and bread and cheese and normal food but gosh!....I was scared to eat even bread! And I knew lettuce wouldn't satisfy me at all. After searching all the cabinets and the fridge, I collapsed on the tile, sobbing, and laid there for a while in this meltdown. Like in the movies. I was crying instead of breathing. I was scared and upset. That's all I remember feeling for a while.
That first weekend after I found out I was diabetic, I went on a date. When he asked me, I REALLY didn't wanna go. I mean c'mon I've been crying for days. But then I realized it's probably just what I needed - get out of this trap I've been in. Off I went. First stop, the ice cream shoppe. I was laughing inside but only to hold back tears. I just kept thinking "I'm never gonna be able to date so I'm never gonna get married and I'll never have kids." Yeah I guess I was at a low point. Well, I was a good girl and got the smallest scoop they offered and he thought I was crazy, oh well.
I'm sure not every date consists of ice cream and candy on the beach...?
Yes, I was strict with myself. I may have been too critical and too careful. I may have scared myself too much. But it kicked me into gear, ready to fight for the rest of my life.
So if you ever wondered, those are some memories about my first week as a diabetic. Drama queen much? hahahaha
I cried a lot. But especially in the kitchen! I remember the first week and I remember it was hell. I remember standing in the kitchen...STARVING...but not knowing what was "safe" to eat. Back then we didn't have anything "diabetic friendly" in the house. There was a lot of junk food but also the regular milk and cereal and bread and cheese and normal food but gosh!....I was scared to eat even bread! And I knew lettuce wouldn't satisfy me at all. After searching all the cabinets and the fridge, I collapsed on the tile, sobbing, and laid there for a while in this meltdown. Like in the movies. I was crying instead of breathing. I was scared and upset. That's all I remember feeling for a while.
That first weekend after I found out I was diabetic, I went on a date. When he asked me, I REALLY didn't wanna go. I mean c'mon I've been crying for days. But then I realized it's probably just what I needed - get out of this trap I've been in. Off I went. First stop, the ice cream shoppe. I was laughing inside but only to hold back tears. I just kept thinking "I'm never gonna be able to date so I'm never gonna get married and I'll never have kids." Yeah I guess I was at a low point. Well, I was a good girl and got the smallest scoop they offered and he thought I was crazy, oh well.
I'm sure not every date consists of ice cream and candy on the beach...?
Yes, I was strict with myself. I may have been too critical and too careful. I may have scared myself too much. But it kicked me into gear, ready to fight for the rest of my life.
So if you ever wondered, those are some memories about my first week as a diabetic. Drama queen much? hahahaha
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